FLASHLIGHTS SUCK!

I think one of the stupidest inventions ever has to be the flashlight! Who the hell needs flashlights anyway? They are useless! Even the name is stupid. It just means you're a dumbdouche that has not been doing your job memorizing where the fuck everything is while there was daylight. Besides only pussies need flashlights anyway. Heck a real badassador would rip their shirt off and wrap it around a table leg and fire up a TORCH!!!

When your power goes out - the sound of smoke detectors buzzing in your place is a sure sign of a TORCH carrying BOSS, and not a flashlight toting puss!

As one can see in this image - Jackie Chan couldn't agree more!

The only thing flashlights are good for are cracking skulls! Especially on Halloween or the 4th of July when you are completely sick of some of the water heads orbiting you OR maybe you'd just like to stomp someone's ass down to the ground with your boots, take their flashlight and hold it right up to their eyeballs - clicking that fucker on and off demonstrating your love for their retinas. ONLY THEN when you're tired of doing that you can pick them back up and crack their noggin with it. Then ask them...
 

"Do you like flashlights now?" Do ya?

Agent Neptune