BURNING PINE FOREST FROM HELL!

On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this. I had to take the worst piss ever. The next exit off the interstate was not for another 200 miles (actually more like 20) but the Monster energy drink was burning a hole through my peepee bag.

Quickly, I scrambled for the empty can twisting and turning with one hand on the wheel and the other carefully guiding the hell fire wizz back into the green and black container. AWWWWWW!!! It was the sound of a port-o-potty being dropped from the Empire State Building.

And when I lowered my window to throw the topped off can out... the wind caught it and SPRAYED PISS ALL OVER MY FACE!!!

((((Large Marge laugh))))

So anygoddamnways...

Last night same thing but I managed to make it to a gas station. Pulled up hopped out and did the URINE ZOMBIE LIMP to the men's room. Fuck I was in pain. At one time I had kicked the peeing habit but fell off the wagon and now standing there like on life support with the urinal.

The heavy door shut behind me when I heard a sloshing sound coming from my feet. There was A QUARTER INCH pond of ammonia all over the floor. Fuck!

Oh HELL! I had to hold my breath while trying to take a 4 minute piss!!! AWWW!!! Not good not good gotta keep pissing but losing consciousness. Shit EYES EARS NOSE THROAT BURNING!!!

I knew at this point it was either piss myself and run out the men's room or die!!! Feeling faint not strong ... enough... to open... the heavy... DOOR! Slipping in ammonia and piss ... coughing worse than Bobby Brady in the Towering Inferno ... can't open door.

Can't turn the knob... falling to knees... gonna die with my wiener out!!! NOOOOOO! Then I thought to myself...

I'M TOO MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE I'm not going down like this! I hit the hand dryer and it blew the toxic air away from me for a brief second. I opened the door and got the ... fuck ... out ... ALIVE!

However, for the next 4 hours my brain smelled like a BURNING PINE FOREST FROM HELL!

Nice CSI cleaning job in the bathroom there champ!

AGENT NEPTUNE